Weblog

Tuesday, 18 December 2007

Saturday, 08 September 2007

  • That queasy nervous feeling deep in the belly.

    I'm starting my new job in a few hours.  Honestly, I'm pretty close to terrified.  Have I ever told you that I hate starting new jobs?  I'm super-mega excited about the church.  They are incredibly kind.  My experiences with them have been wonderful.  I'm apprehensive about the unknown.  What am I supposed to do tomorrow? Do they have a specific expectation for me?  What if I miss the mark?  What if they are disappointed in me?  More importantly, what if I'm disappointed in myself? 

    There's something comforting about knowing what you are doing and new jobs are all about not knowing what you are doing.  This isn't just a cush job.  It's about lives.  It's about loving and caring and pouring out yourself so that you make an impact. It's about doing what God wants you to do.

    It's about pleasing God.
    It's about pleasing God.
    It's not about pleasing people.
    It's not about personal gain.
    It's about pleasing God.

    Lord, help me to understand that. It's about You.  Not me. You. You. You.

    Use me. Please keep me from screwing this all up.

    It's about pleasing You.

Wednesday, 21 February 2007

  • The Soundtrack of my life

    Thanks to Rae, I decided to put my iPod on Shuffle and see what my life soundtrack would be like. Yes, I know that I listen to some odd music.

    Opening Credits:
    Summertime- Ella Fitzgerald

    "Summertime,
    And the livin' is easy
    Fish are jumpin'
    And the cotton is high"

    Waking up:
    She Don't Want Nobody - Counting Crows

    "She don't want nobody near
    But you can't get away from that
    They appear and disappear
    And they all get a string attached
    Pretty soon they got you hanging on a line
    Pretty soon they're singing one by one the same old rhyme
    They say, "I'm alright, I just can't get home tonight"

    1st day of school:
    I had a dream - Joss Stone

    "I had a dream last night
    What a lovely dream it was
    I dreamed we all were alright
    Happy in a land of oz
    Why did everybody laugh when I told them my dream?
    I guess they all were so far from that kind of that scene
    Feeling real mean"

    Falling in Love:
    Love heals your heart- Third Day

    When you think your life is shattered
    And there's no way to be fixed again
    Love heals your heart
    At a time you least expected
    You're alive like you have never been
    Love heals your heart

    Fight song:
    Sunrise- Norah Jones

    Sunrise, sunrise
    Looks like mornin' in your eyes
    But the clocks held 9:15 for hours
    Sunrise, sunrise
    Couldn't tempt us if it tried
    'Cause the afternoon's already come and gone

    Breaking up:
    God Rest ye merry Gentlemen- Charlotte Church (I'm guessing that we broke up in a church at Christmas time)

    God rest ye merry, gentlemen, let nothing 
    you dismay; 
    Remember, Christ our Saviour was born on 
    Christmas Day, 
    To save us all from Satan's power when we were 
    gone astray, 
    O tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy, 
    O tidings of comfort and joy. 

    Prom:
    Finding You- Bebo Norman

    All my soul needs
    Is all Your love to cover me
    So all the world will see
    That I have nothing without You

    Life:
    Faith my eyes- Caedmon's Call (this truly does fit, I was listening to this song when I decided that I was to go away to school in Texas)

    So keep'em coming these lines on the road
    And keep me responsible be it a light or heavy load
    And keep me guessing with these blessings in disguise
    And I'll walk with grace my feet and faith my eyes

    Mental Breakdown:
    Crazy Love- Ray Charles/Van Morrison

    She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love
    She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love

    Driving:
    Prison on Route 41- Iron and Wine

    There’s a prison on Route 41
    Home to my father, first cousin, and son
    And I visit every weekend
    Not with my body but with prayers that I send

    Flashback:
    I've got a crush on you - Ella Fitzgerald

    Ive got a crush on you, sweetie pie
    All the day and night-time give me sigh
    I never had the least notion that
    I could fall with so much emotion

    Getting Back Together:
    Little Room - Norah Jones

    You and me and,
    Me and you,
    In my little room,
    There's room enough for us to do,
    The things we like to do.

    Wedding:
    I Do - Boyz II Men (no lie, this couldn't have been more perfect)

    Do I give all I am
    To be now and forever you man
    Do I take you to be
    Without question the woman for me
    Do I promise you
    I Do
    Do I promise you
    I do, I do

    Birth of child:
    Red Dust- Iron and Wine

    Dust gets red, and red dust plays
    On the wind near Daniel's place
    Danny's sick and smaller boy
    Rhythm lingers on and on
    On and on, on and on

    Final Battle:
    The Jewel Song- Charlotte Church (What DO I have on my iPod?!?)

    Ah! je ris de me voir 
    si belle en ce miroir, 
    Ah! je ris de me voir 
    si belle en ce miroir, 

    Death Scene:
    The Secret Life of Daydreams- Jean-Yves Thibaudet (this is instrumental)

    Funeral Song:
    Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain - Willie Nelson

    Someday when we meet up yonder
    We'll stroll hand in hand again
    In the land that knows no parting
    For blue eyes crying in the rain.

    End Credits:
    Until the World - The Afters

    Until the world won't turn
    'Til the planets burn
    Until the sun dies I'll be there
    Until the heavens come
    'Til this life is done
    Until the world dies I'll be there

Monday, 19 February 2007

  • Stronger than I've ever felt it before

    If anyone really knows me well, they know that I'm fairly certain about everything except myself.  I've got a crummy self-esteem level, and I hate mentioning it, because the last thing I want is to be the girl who's whining just to get a few half-hearted compliments. I don't really consider myself worth loving.  This hurts me in many ways, especially in regards to my walk with Christ.  I have to remind myself constantly that Christ considered me worth saving, to the point of death on a cross.  As of the last few months, I've felt worse than ever.  I'm repulsed by my appearance.  I see that I'm fat and ugly.   I see a huge witch's face with a pointy nose and chin, a bad haircut, flaky skin, bad clothes, and too much weight on my body.  This is becoming a big problem. I don't know what to do.  I'm trying to work on the inside, but I can't get past the outside.  I hate to look in the mirror. I don't understand it, because I should feel less like this than ever, but I haven't felt this awkward in years.  This is my confession. I don't know how to see myself as beautiful.

Top Tags - Weblog

[no tags]

AprilCristina14

  • Visit AprilCristina14's Xanga Site
    • Name: April
    • Country: United States
    • State: Texas
    • Metro: Longview
    • Birthday: 3/28/1984
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 4/3/2004

About Me

  • "Had to walk the rocks to see the mountain view... looking back I see the lead of love..." -Caedmon's Call

Pulse

AprilCristina14 has no pulse!...